Hi, there My name is Shana, she is my princess Anshu.

And here are a few words about me, haha ; )

If there was one word to define the depth of my journey, it would be ‘resistance’. It increased to the day I deliberated to put an end to my life because it felt like I served no purpose. But I brushed through it and decided to keep fighting. However, as they say, life tests you to your limit, and I was tested too. The resistance created suffering, and suffering controlled my mind because I resisted some events to the absolute end. And that started affecting my hormones and mental well-being as I was stressed, anxious, and irritated all the time due to lack of sleep. You must be wondering, “What is the reason?”, but I’ll answer that later.

At one point, to me, I was the absolute favorite. But when the resistance crept in I was a different person. I saw significant changes like lack of self-care, dependence on others, and the need to isolate myself when I got irritated. The main reason for that was to not disclose the stressful events that lead to this change to anyone. It indeed got very difficult after a certain point because I was stuck in the same environment without any escape in sight. I wanted everyone to recognize my pain without me saying anything, which is a tough call I was aware of. It was unfair for me to expect people to take care of me when they knew nothing about my suffering. I was diagnosed with migraine, for which doctors had prescribed some medicines. That did cure my external pain, but the internal suffering had no cure in my vision. I was both physically and mentally tired doing day-to-day chores and lost concentration with daily happenings. And self-doubt also started to take over my confidence.

Do you know what silent suffering is? That’s exactly what I endured. Crying alone at night without solid reasons, and not having any ray of hope started to eat me up completely. I wanted to quit, but that wouldn’t have given me the peace of mind I wanted. Lack of interest in new events and remembering terrible incidents had made sure I was lethargic and sad all the time.

All of this was already too much to handle, and that’s when 2020 took the world by storm. The world was going through a crisis and heavy losses. But I went through a different kind of change. It started with me asking my friend to add me to a Whatsapp group to connect to long-lost friends. It was indeed a great chance to know about other people because that reduced my stress and anxiousness about myself.

And that’s when I met my angel, my friend, and healer, who wanted me to be a part of his helping hand on a project he was working on. I had no idea what he wanted me to do, but I was ready for a new challenge. Would you believe me if I tell you I did not know Twitter! Well, he asked me to understand how Twitter works, and I started to learn many things about life in general from him.

Let me tell you this, and I‘m sure many of you will agree with me. When you endure pain for a long time, you tend to forget the difference between What’s your definition of ‘right’, and What is ‘actually right’. You think only your perspective matters and is correct, whereas you lose sight of what is actually the situation. And that’s what my angel taught me. I had forgotten to consider that there are many others who suffer a greater deal than me, and I should be more appreciative of what I have and can achieve. I decided to take things into my hands and sure enough, I felt a LOT BETTER. I started off by learning to manage stress, by reading meditating, and writing journals.

Meditation helped me channel my stress. Regular journaling helped me evaluate my thoughts and emotions, and after a long time, I started to consider thinking and writing down happy thoughts. The biggest contributor to this is my engagement on Twitter, thanks to my angel. Tweeting my thoughts and them being recognized established my self worth and I was happy to be valued. People who liked and re-shared my tweets contributed a great deal towards my healing from within. If doctors gave medicine for my migraine, then Twitter was my medicine for self-healing.

But I must say, healing is a long journey. I’m sure most of you relate to this, but my healing journey can be coined as “A work in progress”. Writing has helped me a great deal as I started recognizing my soul, my bodily needs, my health, and my attributes. It is just that ‘FIRST PUSH’ which acts as a big leap of faith that we must take, with confidence. Prioritizing yourself is the key and I did exactly that. Remember I was talking about losing sight of what’s really happening? I started getting the answer to “What actually happened?”.

The six months of healing were a journey of its own. The minute I started prioritizing myself, I was more self-aware and I responded instead of reacting to events. I started to enjoy reflecting on my thoughts and enjoying my own company a lot! Only positive flowed into my mind, which is a great change! My family members were my healers, and I only focused on engaging with people having positive energy and who encouraged me to do new things. That block was necessary. The key difference was I was once obsessed with getting attention, and now I neglect negative attention. I have set strong boundaries for myself. ’

Now I'm a whole new person who is more grateful than complaining about my past. I was saying thank you to the people who wronged me because they were the primary path makers for my self-healing journey. And the biggest gratitude to all those people who were my confidants and supporters through the healing and self-worth journey.

I have come to harmony with the fact that I am okay with being misunderstood. I know my worth and I have stopped resisting. If my past journey’s definition was ‘resistance’, my present journey’s definition would be ‘euphoria’. I’m mentally and physically stronger and my mind is under control.

Everyone writes their own journey of healing. My journey of healing was helped by my past, my angel, and my newfound ambitions and passions through meditation and writing. I am grateful to the universe to help me endure the pain, but at the same time motivates me to build my journey of healing.